Another Crossroad

I’m at a crossroad. And here I wonder: Is graphics and art a career I want to pursue? Honestly, I don’t know. I love the idea of learning to create art, I always wanted to get better at creating art in drawings ever since I could hold a pencil. I can tell that my passion to learn makes the process of learning easier. But am I willing to give up my previous intentions for a hobby?

I know about all of those quotes about how you should do what you love because time is precious. The quotes frequently updates me that having a job for 60+ years should be bearable- so I should do something fun…

However. My previous intentions was to study Medical Engineering for the main purpose of creating possibilities for my now disabled mother to be able to walk again.

This is where passion crashes with passion. This is where I have to yet again take an adult step into life.

If I do choose to pursue a Creative career, I can for sure live a healthy life with a profession I can handle. Maybe I even earn more than expected because of my imagination; maybe I can help my mom by investing in solutions for disability?

If I choose the other profession, I know that it will be hard and an unpleasant process of getting to the results. And when the results shows, years from now, it might be too late. But if I really truly make it, mom can walk again and I can live with myself in peace knowing that I can help the one person who gave me a better life.

It seems pretty obvious what I should choose, so why am I caught up? 

Why can’t I just choose what feels right? Is it because both options gives the impression of right AND wrong?

I know that if I was more confident I would tell this to myself; I’m quite powerful. I know that I could pursue a career in Engineering, I already started and I have a good idea of the pressure and the studies, I’ll do it stressfully and harshly if I have to. 

This crossroad. I hate it. I know I can do a lot both ways. I know that I can help my mom both ways. 

As I struggle. I tend to doodle art, although this is my fourth and fifth finished digital art, and although it looks alright, I wish I could learn to put feelings into art. If I could, I could show you the struggle of these kind of crossroads…

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